If an essay about pretentiousness is itself prentious, you could call it irony.

I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time considering what it is I should be, or avoiding things I don't want to be. This isn't career related, I don't mean like "I wish I was an ice cream man, so I'll avoid being a bin man", but more to do with general outlook of things.

Pretentiousness*, for example. I try to avoid that like the plague, but its difficult because how do you define what exactly it consists of? If I were to quote Sartre, that would definitely be pretentious (especially seeing as I have never read any Sartre) but if I were to discuss existentialism after reading The Outsider, with someone that is also familiar with Camus, would that be pretentious? I can't help but think yes, probably it is. I feel pretentious even writing the name "Camus", as if I were to be judged by a non-existent reader for bringing it up. But that is strange to think that, is it not? Surely it wouldn't be pretentious if you were to take the same conversation, but replace existentialism with, I don't know, football or something. If that were the case, you could certainly call the conversation boring (I know I would), but it is as incorrect to call it pretentious as it is to call it farcical.

In that case, does pretentiousness stem from elitism? That seems to be an assumption that sufficiently explains the nature of the beast, since for every example of pretentiousness there is an item being discussed that is, by its definition, something that not every person will know about it. It would be impossible to have a prentious discussion of water without branching off into discussions of chemical composition, causes of drought, or any manner of side-issues that are not directly about water itself. I think this is because everyone knows and is familiar with water as a concept, so it would seem that in order to be pretentious, you must first have knowledge that others may not have.

It may be this posession of superior knowledge that defines pretentiousness as a negative aspect. We have all had the experience of someone showing off their superior knowledge as an attempt to belittle us, and I would say that chances are high that everyone has also done this to someone else, if we're honest with ourselves. But I think there are degrees to this too. Saying "I like band/book/play A because of these reasons, and you may like it too" is reasonably pretentious, but its also inviting and encompassing. It doesn't exclude. However, saying "Band/book/play B is alright, I suppose, if you are into that sort of thing" is definitely exclusive. To the point of rudeness. Why do people do this? Is it a tribal thing? Is it because the status of an Alpha male in today's society is less defined by physical strength or courage (although that is clearly still a factor) and more defined by wealth, wit and power? If so, it stands to reason that this status would want to be protected by those who hold it, and since we've moved on from beating others away with a rough club, we now need to use language to defend our own little realms. Is pretentiousness itself nothing more than a caveman's club or a bronze age spear, and if so, will there ever be a time when we move on from this nasty aspect of human nature?

Probably not, since I'm using it myself, right now, in the act of writing these words. Classism, racism, sexism, ageism and most other -isms that there are can really be summed up under the tyrannical reign of the King Ism - Elitism. But its not invincible. If enough people care, we can dethrone it, but it seems less likely that this will ever happen. Even these words are elitist simply by virtue of the fact that not everybody knows English, and also that hardly anyone will read this anyway. So, in lieu of a proper conclusion, I will instead just say this: if you must be pretentious, don't be elitist with it.

*I am unsure whether to use "pretentiousness" or "pretension", but the former flows nicer in my head. So we'll go with that.